A Mother Heart

I realized that I haven't journaled much of anything about this current pregnancy of mine.

Which is strange really because it consumes so much of my thoughts and is a large contributor to my current level of joy & excitement about life.

We feel so blessed to be welcoming a new little boy to the family.

The kids are definitely excited and love to kiss my increasingly protruding stomach.

And seriously - a daughter, followed by a son, followed by a daughter, followed by a son!?!

That seriously makes me smile every time I think about it.

I seem to be much more contemplative about the miracle of pregnancy & birth this time around. The older I get and the more of life I observe, the more I realize the path of parenthood is a journey of joy, sorrow, triumph, tragedy, and personal stretching & growth that can be attained in no other way.

Whether our challenges occur in the process of trying to get our children here or happen after they arrive,I don't think any of us ever fully anticipated the experiences we are blessed/challenged to receive.

In my own small way, I have watched as some family & friends have to do everything possible to get pregnant while others have the opposite challenge and unexpectedly conceive a "bonus baby" that wasn't part of their "plan." 

I have witnessed the slow and sometimes painful process but eventual exuberance and joy associated with adoption.

I have both experienced & watched the joyful journey of a healthy pregnancy and delivery, followed by the excitement of a healthy baby.

I have both experienced and watched the joyful journey of a healthy pregnancy & delivery, followed by the unexpected blow that comes when you learn that your beautiful newborn or young child has some health challenges.

I have both experienced and seen the hearth wrenching sadness that comes because of a lost pregnancy.

Watching several friends go through this recently while I am having a healthy pregnancy{knock on wood!} has been difficult, even guilt inducing {which I know it is unfounded.}  

The fact that we are able to have babies is really just a fascinating and truly miraculous process.

But it is rarely an easy one.

I guess what really sums up my thoughts is how incredibly amazing the depth of a mother heart is.

How can pregnancy - which makes us sick, miserable, & exhausted - be something we want so deeply{and repeatedly!}?

How can a child - who can make us tired, sad, hurt, scared, angry, penitent, impatient - be someone we want so longingly?

Because the depth of a mother heart {which we innately have as women, even before we give birth}, is so great that the love we have is enough to look past all the bad things and live for the blessings that come.

Those children that do all the aforementioned things {and more}, also bring us joy, love, tenderness, learning, fulfillment, patience, compassion, creativity, selflessness, and joy beyond measure. 

Sometimes, the good seems to only happen in small increments, but it is there in abundance if we will look for it.

I am grateful for my opportunity to be a mother.

Am I perfect at it? FAR from it!

But the capacity I have been given from a loving Heavenly Father to love those children,who are too His children, is indeed humbling. And I can't wait for this little boy to get here!