Who Do You Think You Are?

We see ourselves in terms of yesterday & today.

Our Heavenly Father sees us in terms of forever.

Although we might settle for less,

Heavenly Father won't,

for He sees us as the glorious

beings we are capable of becoming.

The gospel of Jesus Christ is a

gospel of transformation.

It takes us as men & women of the earth

and refines us into men & women for the eternities.

-Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin

Immersed in a world where our worth is defined

by the acquisition of Possession A,B, and C

or the bearing of Title X, Y, or Z

can leave us with the sense that we have little to no value.

Doesn't it take your breath away then,

just a little bit,

to know that we have a Heavenly Father

who's love for us transcends the frailities

of an earthly existence?

To know that your worth & potential,

as His child,

is of grand measure?

That's what is does to me when I read this quote.

Because I know it's true.

Gloriously, thankfully true, made possible by the

everlasting Atonement of our Savior, Jesus Christ.

"The gospel of Jesus Christ is a gospel of transformation."

I love that.  I need that.

Mom, Look What I Can Do!

I've decided that the previously mentioned two year old
must have it out for my couches!

This is a bucket full of dried grass clippings she brought in to enhance the decor.

And here is her other favorite habit of late:

Drawing on things with marker.
Preferably herself and her stuffed animals.
Occasionally, the walls.
I do love the special attention she gave to the belly button area.

{I know what you're thinking now.
There seems to be more of a supervision problem
than a two year old problem! ;) ha ha.
Let's just say she's just a very quietly mischievous little darling.}

Death, Taxes, and...

...LAUNDRY! These things are definite certainties of life.

When it comes to laundry, I do fine with the sorting, doing, & folding.
But I am apparently missing the necessary gene required
for putting away laundry in a timely manner!
Not sure why this is so hard for me,
but our laundry often gets nicely folded,
placed into laundry baskets to be transported to kids rooms,
and then promptly left there for up to a week. Eek!
{Which half the time requires it to be refolded after a two year old has 'helped' with it}
Anyone else have that problem, or is it just me?

And can anyone explain to me how there can manage to be this many unmatched socks in every complete cycle of laundry??  Where do the mates go?  Perhaps to the land of lost bobby pins & hair bows...

Unanswered Prayers

As we were looking at this beautiful sunset behind our house,
I thought of the Garth Brooks song, "Unanswered Prayers."

Truely, some of God's greatest gifts come in the form of unanswered prayers.
During the course of our house-hunting search,
there were at least three others that I knew that I wanted.
Each time, I had convinced myself that this was "the one" that would be best.
Each time, I prayed that things would work out.
And each time they DID work out - just not how I had intended.

And in the end, I knew again what has been shown me many times.
God is the one who really knows!
He knows what I want and what I need.
And this house is a perfect fit for us and
I am far happier here than I would be elsewhere.

Here we get to have not only a home, but a neighborhood.
I can ask to borrow a cup of sugar with ease.
My kids can have good friends and ride their bike in the street.
We can walk to church, to school, to the park, & the post office.
We can play in the comfort of our own back yard and
send the kids downstairs to play when they are restless.
We can eat pomegranates off our own trees and
sleep out under the stars {as long as the skunks stay away!}
Yes, there are also scorpions, stray dogs, and heaters to be replaced.
There is an endless list of improvements to make and dreams to dream.
But it's our dream and it's a good one.
So thank you, unanswered prayers.

Lesson Learned

Just because you think your two year old is 

quietly watching a movie downstairs,

doesn't mean she really is!

A Mother Heart

I realized that I haven't journaled much of anything about this current pregnancy of mine.

Which is strange really because it consumes so much of my thoughts and is a large contributor to my current level of joy & excitement about life.

We feel so blessed to be welcoming a new little boy to the family.

The kids are definitely excited and love to kiss my increasingly protruding stomach.

And seriously - a daughter, followed by a son, followed by a daughter, followed by a son!?!

That seriously makes me smile every time I think about it.

I seem to be much more contemplative about the miracle of pregnancy & birth this time around. The older I get and the more of life I observe, the more I realize the path of parenthood is a journey of joy, sorrow, triumph, tragedy, and personal stretching & growth that can be attained in no other way.

Whether our challenges occur in the process of trying to get our children here or happen after they arrive,I don't think any of us ever fully anticipated the experiences we are blessed/challenged to receive.

In my own small way, I have watched as some family & friends have to do everything possible to get pregnant while others have the opposite challenge and unexpectedly conceive a "bonus baby" that wasn't part of their "plan." 

I have witnessed the slow and sometimes painful process but eventual exuberance and joy associated with adoption.

I have both experienced & watched the joyful journey of a healthy pregnancy and delivery, followed by the excitement of a healthy baby.

I have both experienced and watched the joyful journey of a healthy pregnancy & delivery, followed by the unexpected blow that comes when you learn that your beautiful newborn or young child has some health challenges.

I have both experienced and seen the hearth wrenching sadness that comes because of a lost pregnancy.

Watching several friends go through this recently while I am having a healthy pregnancy{knock on wood!} has been difficult, even guilt inducing {which I know it is unfounded.}  

The fact that we are able to have babies is really just a fascinating and truly miraculous process.

But it is rarely an easy one.

I guess what really sums up my thoughts is how incredibly amazing the depth of a mother heart is.

How can pregnancy - which makes us sick, miserable, & exhausted - be something we want so deeply{and repeatedly!}?

How can a child - who can make us tired, sad, hurt, scared, angry, penitent, impatient - be someone we want so longingly?

Because the depth of a mother heart {which we innately have as women, even before we give birth}, is so great that the love we have is enough to look past all the bad things and live for the blessings that come.

Those children that do all the aforementioned things {and more}, also bring us joy, love, tenderness, learning, fulfillment, patience, compassion, creativity, selflessness, and joy beyond measure. 

Sometimes, the good seems to only happen in small increments, but it is there in abundance if we will look for it.

I am grateful for my opportunity to be a mother.

Am I perfect at it? FAR from it!

But the capacity I have been given from a loving Heavenly Father to love those children,who are too His children, is indeed humbling. And I can't wait for this little boy to get here!

Try, Try Again

Well, so I didn't get off to the sprinting head start on this journal that I hoped to.
Oh well.
I have no successful history of consistent writing,
so there is really no surprise there.

But that is why today is a new today,
and today, I will write.
And I will continue to have the goal to write consistently.

When it comes right down to it,
my journaling experiences are a good metaphor for my current life status.
During my school years, most of my goals were measurable
and I was accountable to another human being for them.  {parent, teacher, YW leader}
My "success" in school was showcased through grades, diplomas,&  degrees.
My "success" in extracurricular goals was demonstrated through games, performances, & concerts.
My "success" in church programs was measured through scripture mastery pass offs, seminary graduation, & a YW medallion.
At that age, I would have a goal, pass it off, and move on.

Now, as an aged and wise mother (cough, cough) at the ripe old age of 28,
my goals are a little different. 
Some of them are measurable - such as learning a new skill or hobby.
But I find that at the beginning of each new year,
most of my goals are the same as they have been for the past group of years. {the married/mother years}

Growing up, we are taught to work towards education, temple marriage, and having a family.
Well - check, check, and check.
So what's after that? 
I guess I am already in the "enduring to the end" stage of life.
But I have realized that even though this phrase has sort of a doomsday quality to it,
and invokes the image of a decrepit old person waiting to live out their final hours on earth,
that's not what it is about at all.

My 'enduring to the end goals' are all about becoming.
At this point, I know what I ultimately want.
I know that I am a daughter of God,
I know that He knows me and loves me,
and I know that I want to return to live with Him.
And I know that I need to cultivate qualities of my Savior in order to do that.
But these goals are going to take me longer to accomlish than my previous ones.
I no longer have daily assignments to turn in to a teacher,
I don't get a gold star from music instructors for practicing a required amount of hours,
and well, now I am the parent!

And unfortunately, knowing what I want doesn't translate automatically to doing what I should.
Which is how I can {finally} explain the "journal habits as my life metaphor."
I have good goals.  Good desires.  Good hopes.
But I fail at them.
A lot.
On a daily basis.
Which is why I have had the same goals for so long,
and I sadly expect, will have them for a whole lot longer!

But I won't give up.  Why?
Because I {exceedingly gratefully}
know that the words of the Relief Society Declaration are true.
We are beloved spirit daughters of God,
and our lives have meaning, purpose, and direction.
As a worldwide sisterhood, we are united in our devotion
to Jesus Christ, our Savior and Exemplar.
We are women of faith, virtue, vision, and charity who:

Increase our testimonies of Jesus Christ through prayer and scripture study.

Seek spiritual strength by following the promptings of the Holy Ghost.

Dedicate ourselves to strengthening marriage, families, and homes.

Find nobility in motherhood and joy in womanhood.

Delight in service and good works.

Love life and learning.

Stand for truth and righteousness.

Sustain the priesthood as the authority of God on earth.

Rejoice in the blessings of the temple,
understand our divine destiny,
and strive for exaltation.

So in a nutshell, these are the goals I will keep making baby steps towards.
I want to be able to not only know these things, but to do them.
What gives me the courage to keep trying?
To not lose all hope when I yell {again} at one of my children;
when I lose my pattern of regular scripture study;
when I am horrible at keeping my house clean;
when I spend way too much time on things with little to no value...

What gives me hope to keep trying is the absolute knowledge
I have in the truthfulness of the declarations first statement:
[I] am a beloved spirit daughter of God,
and [my] life has meaning, purpose, and direction.
This knowledge and testimony gets me through each day.
I know that I have a loving Heavenly Father.
I know that I have a Savior who's Atonement allows me to change.
I know that I can have the Holy Ghost with me to faciliate that change.

So, I will once again keep trying. And I hope you will too.