What the Resurrection Means to Me

“The Resurrection is at the core of our beliefs as Christians. Without it, our faith is meaningless.” 

-Elder Joseph B Wirthlin 

Last Sunday, my husband and I had the opportunity to speak at our LDS Stake Youth Fireside (for youth ages 12-18).  We were asked to speak on: 'What does the Resurrection mean to me?'  Here is my talk:

When I contemplated the question we were asked, ‘What does the Resurrection mean to me,’ the answer that shortly came to my mind was: “Everything!”

The hope and assurance I have of a glorious Resurrection is the major driving force behind my desire to keep God’s commandments and my covenants in this life, so that I will be able to receive the blessings God has promised in the next.  

There are 3 specific blessings we are promised through the Resurrection that give me the hope and faith to endure the trials of this life.  I would like to share with you some personal experiences that illustrate how important these blessings are to me. 

The first promise to each of us is that at the Resurrection our body and spirit will be reunited in an immortal state, no longer suffering disease or death.  No one needs to look far to see the suffering and heartache caused by disease, and the pains of a mortal body strike at every age. A perfect, healthy body is a blessing that our four-year old daughter, Bri, speaks of regularly.  

Here is a picture of her and my four-year old niece, Taleah, who is currently battling leukemia. Every prayer said in our home includes a plea for the renewed health of her, Ethan, Sharon, and other family & friends.

Bri often shares with me her strong and sure testimony of the Resurrection. She frequently says, “When Jesus comes again, I won’t have PKU and Taleah won’t have cancer.”

Here are a few more pictures of Bri:

This beautiful daughter of ours was born with a rare genetic food processing disorder called PKU that she will have her whole life.  To stay healthy, she has to be on a very strict and limited diet that excludes many of the foods that the rest of us eat every day.  She has daily medications, regular blood tests, and frequent contact with a dietitian and genetic specialist.  As she gets older, it will become an even greater challenge and trial for her.  

 I will share with you an excerpt from my journal that describes how I felt the day we received the news of her diagnosis. I wrote:

“I took Bri to the pediatrician’s office to do the follow-up tests that were needed.  The next hour was an overwhelming blur.  My sweet and tiny twelve-day old baby had to have her blood drawn from two locations and have a catheter inserted for a urine sample.  I stood in the hall, listening to her scream, with tears streaming down my face as I tried to process the words I had just heard coming from the doctor’s mouth: “metabolic disorder...no cure...can’t process protein...treatable through a severely restricted diet...can cause severe mental retardation, seizures, eczema, restricted head growth, hyperactivity, and IQ loss.”

To sit in that room and look at my beautiful brand new baby and hear the words ‘severe brain damage’ seemed so irreconcilable in my mind...I was so worried that her brain had already been affected and that every second without treatment was harming her.”

The frailties of a human body truly cause much of life’s heartache.  In the four years since Bri’s birth, I have gained greater knowledge and understanding that I couple with faith in God to help me feel peace and comfort for her future.  Even at a young age, Bri handles her health difference with great strength and maturity, but she and I already know and rejoice in the knowledge that one day she won’t have PKU anymore. 

Elder Dallin H Oaks described my second reason for rejoicing in the Resurrection. “The assurance of immortality also helps us bear the mortal separations involved in the death of our loved ones...We should all praise God for the assured resurrection that makes our mortal separations temporary and gives us the hope and strength to carry on.”

This is my mother, Kristin and me.  

By the accounts of everyone who knew her, she was a truly remarkable woman with a heart of gold and the kindly attributes of an earthly angel. She died when I was a two after a several week illness caused by a virus that attacked her organs and shut her heart down.  She was 26 years old.  I was two, my older brother was four, and my baby brother was 6 months old when she died.  And although I have also gained great blessings because of this trial, not having her here in this life with me is a painful separation.  I cannot talk to her or ask her advice.  She wasn’t visible at my side in the temple on my wedding day.  She can’t be with me physically at the birth or milestones of my children.  Death is truly another of mortality’s heartaches.  But again, the assurance of a Resurrection keeps my sorrow from becoming despair, and fuels me to live a life that will gain me the blessings of being eternally reunited with my mother.  I know that I can be with her again and that the length of our separation now is but a small moment in the scheme of our eternal relationship.

Which leads me to the 3rd reason I rejoice in the Resurrection.  The Prophet George Albert Smith explains, “The assurance that our relationship here as parents and children, as husbands and wives will continue in heaven ... fills us with hope and joy.” 

This is a picture of the things most dear to me.  

My husband, the four children here, and the little girl that will join our family in a few months.  My opportunity to be a wife and mother is my greatest blessing, and these people are the treasure I want to have in heaven.  Because of the Atonement and Resurrection of Jesus Christ, and the covenants I have made with him, God has promised me that I can be with my family forever, IF, and I emphasize IF, I enact the power of the Atonement and strive to keep those covenants I have made at baptism and most importantly, in the temple.  I want those blessings.  There is nothing more important.  

As you continue on your path in mortality, each of you will have your own trials and heartaches to endure, at which time a testimony of the Atonement & Resurrection will be vital to your faith and hope.  Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin explains beautifully the enduring strength that comes from an understanding of the Resurrection:

“I think of how dark that Friday was when Christ was lifted up on the cross...

On that Friday the Savior of mankind was humiliated and bruised, abused and reviled.

It was a Friday filled with devastating, consuming sorrow that gnawed at the souls of those who loved and honored the Son of God.

I think that of all the days since the beginning of this world’s history, that Friday was the darkest.  But the doom of that day did not endure.

The despair did not linger because on Sunday, the resurrected Lord...ascended from the grave and appeared gloriously triumphant as the Savior of all mankind.

In an instant the eyes that had been filled with ever-flowing tears dried...for Jesus the Christ, stood before them as proof that death is merely the beginning of a new and wondrous existence."

Elder Wirthlin continues:

"Each of us will have our own Fridays—those days when the universe itself seems shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us in pieces. We all will experience those broken times when it seems we can never be put together again. We will all have our Fridays.

But I testify to you...—Sunday will come...No matter our desperation, no matter our grief... In this life or the next, Sunday will come.”

Thank you for letting me share with you a few of my Fridays, and my strong and steadfast testimony that Sunday does come.  I know without hesitation that the Savior Atoned and was Resurrected for us.  I know because I have asked my Heavenly Father through prayer and have received multiple witnesses through the Holy Ghost.  I know that we will each receive an immortal body free from pain and sickness, and that we have been given the tools to seal our families together, that we may be reunited with the loved ones we have lost and will lose through death.  I know that a testimony of the Resurrection is a treasure we all need, and encourage you to seek & strengthen your own. Because when those trials do come, that testimony will mean everything to you too.

Ages & Stages

Child development is fascinating to observe.  Here are some thoughts on the current states of my children:

Child #1:  Age 7
I love having a daughter who is old enough to be quite helpful! We are both stubborn know-it-alls, so we still battle frequently {the thought of her teenage years scare me!}, but she is really blossoming in her oldest child role.  She likes to help me cook, help Dad wash dishes, cleans up well when asked, and is very good about changing Bri's diaper and helping her get to bed.  It's fun to have her reading and writing now too.  Because then, I occasionally find sweet messages like this around my house:

Child #2: Age 5
Little boys are fun to watch grow up!  He is happy most of the time, which brings sunshine to my soul. We just finished up a round of flag football, where he dubbed himself "The Touchdown King."  Good thing he got his Dad's speed and agility and not mine!  I just hope that he eventually outgrows his penchant for peeing on the fence outside! But I'm sure he will be teaching that trick to his new brother, who he is SO incredibly excited to get here, and who he has decided should be named Dash.

Child #3 (Age 2) & Child #4 (should make his arrival in about 5-6 weeks):
Here is my frequent view of children 3 & 4 these days.

 

My thoughts on these two?  Last trimester pregnancy is not fun at all.  Potty training is not fun at all. 

What happens when you combine these two things?  When your daughter pees her pants on your lap, but only a small spot of it gets on your pants, it is easier to pretend like it's not there than put forth the effort to peel the maternity jeans off and put on a new pair.  Don't worry, once removed, I will wash them before I wear them again.  Unless that's one more thing my pregnant brain forgets about!   

Inspiration

My desire to write a journal stems from several sources.

*The first is this pretty lady here.

She is one of the two special women that I get to call 'Mom.'
She was a dedicated writer and I now have copies of four of her journals.  The opening statement on her last journal reads, "How exciting to be able to share my thoughts, feelings, and testimony to all who may read this. I hope that I can inspire and uplift and be an example."  As she recorded her every day life, I'm sure she never anticipated how true that statement would be or how important her journaling would become to her posterity.  How important they would be to me.

The journals that she wrote have been the most valuable insight I have received into the character and personality of this great woman who died when I was two.  They allow me to connect with her, to be inspired by her, to feel relief that struggled with some of the same things that I struggle with, and to see a bit of myself in her.  They excite me for the day when we will be together again and help ease the sorrow of an earthly separation. 

So, I journal for posterity as well.  I plan to be around to bother them for a long time, but hope that my children, especially my daughters, can find love, guidance, and relief as they pass through similar situations that I have faced. That when I literally can't remember anymore how it feels to have a two year old tasmanian devil in the house, that we can look back at my records and find a connection.  I also want them to always know that I love the Lord and have a testimony of His love and plan. 


*Another source of inspiration for me is a talk that was given by Elder Henry B. Eyring, "O Remember, Remember".  His example continues to encourage me to be better about consistent record keeping.  Here is a small taste of what he taught:  "When our children were very small, I started to write down a few things about what happened every day. I never missed a day no matter how tired I was or how early I would have to start the next day. Before I would write, I would ponder this question: “Have I seen the hand of God reaching out to touch us or our children or our family today?” As I would cast my mind over the day, I would see evidence of what God had done for one of us that I had not recognized in the busy moments of the day. I realized that trying to remember had allowed God to show me what He had done."


*One of my goals with journal writing is to establish greater consistency - not waiting for large events to write.  I love this thought I read in a Richard Paul Evans novel (The Walk):  "If I wait to write just the important things then I'll probably never write anything, because important things just look like everything else except when you look back on them."   I think that's precisely what happens during these years of young motherhood.  The significance of our daily doings can easily melt into a continuous cycle of monotony if we never step back to realize the wonderment of it all.  I saw this quote on another blog today that sums it up.

I would actually like to amend one thing though. The small and simple tasks that make up our days with toddlers are great and noble, because of the great and noble beings they are attached to.  So you'll have to check back and see if I can increase my efforts to record these small tasks, and the great and noble blessings that come with them.

Funny Friday: #1

I hope to be better about writing down the funny things my kids say,
so here is the first installment of 'Funny Friday.'

*The other day Drake (age 5) had bad gas for some reason.  After flatulating for the fourth time in a half hour, he looked at me and said, "Mom, I don't know what's wrong with my bum!"

*{This one is actually more sweet than funny.} 
After I finished doing Brielle's (age 2) hair on Sunday, I said to her, "Bri, look!  Who's that pretty girl in the mirror?"  She looked up and replied, "Mom!"  {...totally melted my heart!...}

One of THOSE days...

Illness has been running rampant through our neck of the woods and our family has been hit repeatedly by her forces over the last few weeks.  My five year old Drakey boy is the latest victim and here is a glimpse of our past day:

*Yesterday afternoon, Drake started in with a croupy cough.
*He went to bed at eight and woke up around nine due to an inability to stop coughing and breathe well.
*Ty got him calmed down and back to sleep.
*An hour later, he was back up and then fell asleep in my bed.
*2:30-4:00 am:  We were awake because he couldn't stop coughing.
*4:00-5:30 am:  Asleep
*5:30 am:  Awake for the day due to more coughing
*8:30 am:  Bri pees her pants so she and Drake are now getting a bath.
*9:00 am:  Lydi is off to school.
*9:45 am:  I take Ty his forgotten cell phone
*10:00 am:  Go to our local instacare for Drake's croup because our pediatrician is 45 minutes away and I am not up for that today. I am told that the wait will be at least two hours, but a doctor at the affiliated medical group can see him in one hour.
*10:10 am:  Back in the car to waste an hour. Bri falls asleep, ruining her nap for the day.
*10:55 am:  Check in to the doctor's office.
*11:30 am:  Finally get called back to see the doctor.
*12:05 pm:  Finally actually see the new, very nice, very young doctor
*12:15 pm:  Leave EMPTY HANDED from the doctor's office!  Even after I kindly explain to said doctor about the one-time oral medication that has helped Drake tremendously for his croup in the past {prescribed by two different doctors in an adjoining state}, she says she can't do anything because during her pediatric rotation she only saw that medication administered in the ER and she herself has never prescribed it before.  And besides, "his cough doesn't sound croupy right now."  No disrespect ma'am, but of course it doesn't!  I will be sure and call you back in the middle of the night tonight when his symptoms reappear.  Now, I obviously don't want a doctor to ever do something they feel wrong about, but I was so frustrated to have just wasted the last two and a half hours for no reason!  It was a big reminder to me that kids are really best seen by pediatricians.  And the ironic thing - it would have taken me less time to see the pediatrician that is 45 minutes away!!
*12:17 pm:  A sad mommy is fulfilling her promise to her well behaved son by getting him a Happy Meal from McDonalds.  But alas, in the spirit of the day, they get our order wrong. Twice.  sigh...
*12:25 pm:  Mommy walks into her house, greeted by the many piles of dishes and clutter that await her attention.  And let's not forget that her dear daughter will not be having a nap today. 
It is definitely one of those days!!

Thank goodness for the phone sympathy of a mom, hubby, and good friend.  And the bag of Easter candy is offering some nice therapy too.  ;)

***Bright spot of the day.  When we were waiting in the doctor's office, Drake turned to me and said, "Maybe she's taking so long because she's watching a basketball game."  That made me laugh out loud.  Son, I love you!  The unexpected and undesired pitstops in the road of motherhood are all worth it and give us appreciation for the abundance of smooth days.  I wouldn't trade this for anything.

Wrecking Ball

So I had to place a child proof lock on my bathroom door this week.
Why? To prevent the continued "creative" behavior of my beloved two-year old.
{Perhaps I should just rename this blog to "Chronicles of a Two-Year Old!}

My make-up drawer draws her like a magnet and holds her new favorite art materials.
And at this time, I feel the need to forewarn her future husband about her apparently expensive taste.
See, I have a drawer full of products ranging in value from dollar store, to drug store, to department store.
And out of all of her choices, what items did she "re-purpose" this week while I was helping her siblings get ready for school?
-My half full MAC powder foundation was dropped, then dumped to become a nice new floor covering.
-My almost full Clinique facial moisturizer tub was enjoyed as a full body moisturizer.
-My two tubes of Burt's Bees lip color paired nicely with my favorite eyeshadow brush to paint the white fur on one of her sister's favorite stuffed animals.
-And in an unrelated incident this week, she decided to bite and therefore scratch my prescription eyeglasses!
Who knew that creativity could cost so much??

Even with all of this, Bri is still one of the cutest two-year-olds around.
Such a sweetheart who is wrapped up in every one of my heartstrings.
I'm pretty sure I know why God made two-year-olds so unbelievably adorable, funny, & lovable.
Because they would get in a lot more trouble if they weren't!

post script
So, older sister just discovered the lipstick based disfigurement of her stuffed animal.  Let's just say that she won't be describing her little sister as anything close to 'adorable' any time soon!

Make Me Equal to the Task

{BACKGROUND: Our third child Bri, a beautiful two-year old, has an inherited metabolic disorder, PKU. Her liver is deficient in an enzyme needed to properly metabolize one of the amino acids in protein.  If she ate the same food as the rest of us, it would cause severe mental disability and a whole slew of other problems. Thankfully, these can be avoided through the implentation of a diet that is naturally low in protein.  This requires us to meticulously measure, calculate, and document her daily consumption of appropriate foods, many of which must be made from scratch or purchased online from specialty stores.}

After getting past the initial shock of Bri's diagnosis, I can honestly count on one hand the times I have had a "meltdown" over the reality of her health difference.  I have generally been able to take it in stride and just do what needs to be done. I know the Lord has blessed me with the ability to do this and I am so grateful for that.  Well, tonight I got to chalk another mini meltdown onto the list.

Bri does so well with her PKU. The challenges with the diet will increase as she gets older and becomes more aware that she isn't eating the same as everyone else.  She is already starting to notice it a little bit but never fusses when I tell her a food is a food is "too high phe" {short for phenylalanine} and get her something else. She doesn't cry when we have to prick her big toe for her blood tests each week. She loves her "protein shake" that she drinks three times a day to meet her protein needs. She is such a good girl about it all.

My goal from the start has always been to make sure that she has good food options available, even if it is different from the rest of us.  The older she gets, the more I am realizing that to truely accomplish this will require increased planning and ability on my part.

This was illustrated acutely to me tonight at dinner.  We were having Navajo tacos and scones with honey butter {yum!}, which were delicious, but required a lot of multi-tasking and constant work from start to finish to get the dough made, fryer ready, condiments prepared, honey butter mixed, scones fried, etc. {My husband pitched in well.} 

By the time it was all ready, the older two kids were 'starving' and complaining at the table. Bri was also seated at the table, and it was at this point that I realized that I didn't have anything prepared for her to eat.  She was being so happy and telling me, "Thanks, Mom!" - even as she sat there with an empty plate in front of her. She didn't have enough of her allotted daily protein allowance left to eat some of her usual quick dinner options, so she ended up with a plate of lettuce and ranch {and a tangelo, but she didn't want that. "Too sour."}

As we were eating, I watched her across the table, and my mother heart broke just a little bit.
Which was weird - because she was as happy as can be! She was downing that lettuce like it was the best thing she had ever eaten and even happily humming as she did it.  She gave me no reason to feel sad for her.
But oh, how I did!  Luckily, the tears didn't come until I was cleaning up, but I was aching for two reasons.   First, as the rest of us were eating our assortment of yummy foods that had been carefully planned and prepared, she was eating - lettuce.  And second, I knew it was a lack of thought and planning ahead on my part that caused it. 

I don't want you to get worried about me. I usually do a better job at making sure she has yummy food to eat. And I know that her success in life and her ability to deal with her health difference will not be aided by me feeling pitiful about it. But oh, tonight, I just wanted that beautiful little face to not have those challenges! But I know that the Lord will make her equal to them, just as He can increase my abilities to properly care for her.

It will be interesting to find out if our new little baby has PKU as well.  Scientists would tell me that he has a 25% chance of having it.  But I know that really, the outcome is up to the Lord. When I think about the possibility of him having PKU, a wide array of thoughts run through my mind.  Ultimately though, I have come to realize through this journey with PKU that I must just have faith and trust in God and His plan for my children. 

Mothering has taught me a great lesson about what faith is. The faith I have in God is not faith that He will remove the challenges.  The faith that sustains me is trusting that God has an intentional plan for each of us. That He has a plan for each of my children and He has a plan for me.  And that because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, He can make us each equal to the challenges and blessings we are given. And I am so grateful that I know this is true.  So that tonight I can have my moment and cry, and tomorrow, He can make me better.